Am I Only Good For Marriage?

I am sick of people asking when am I getting married

Photo by Photos by Lanty on Unsplash

After being in a relationship for one year, the questions start coming.

When are you getting married?

I think you will be married by next year?

I think a proposal is just around the corner?

Ok, fine if that's what you think. Two years after dating the questions intensify.

What the hell?

Is the most important and significant thing about me, marriage?

Will the only thing I ever have of worth be marriage? Is marriage the sole purpose of a women’s life?

Have times not changed. Woman are so much more than marriage they enter into. I am so much more. My future marriage to my amazing boyfriend will not be the most important thing about me or us? Why don’t people ask the right questions? Like:

Are you happy?

Are you fulfilled in your relationship?

Do you feel supported and loved?

Do you feel like this person is right for you?

Do you feel like this person can carry you through the good times and the bad times?

Do you feel like this person is willing to grow with you?

Surely these are the important questions when it comes to a relationship. These are the questions people should be asking about the future of your relationship and not the engagement ring.

I am so sick of feeling like marriage is the only and most significant thing in my life.

Because it is not.

Yes, I want to get married to my wonderful boyfriend and build a life with him but surely I can do that without saying, “I do” in a fancy white dress at a venue that costs a small fortune?

I have been to many weddings and witnessed many people in my life getting engaged and planning a wedding. And sometimes I think that when planning a big fancy wedding, the whole point of getting married is lost. People get so caught up in the production of the wedding they lose sight of the purpose of marriage.

The purpose of marriage is to find someone you love and see a future with and want to say so in front of people. It can be romantic but it can also be very unromantic with tons of people you barely know all wanting to eat and drink and get ridiculously drunk. Weddings can be messy affairs. When you walk down the aisle, you are not on show and you are not showing off for your family and friends. And yet so many weddings are a show. They are all about the clothes, the decor and the beautiful venue.

All of that is accessory and unnecessary. You don’t need a fancy wedding to get married. You can have a very simple wedding with very few people that you love and adore.

I feel like people today, have lost sight of the meaning of marriage. Marriage is not an opportunity to populate your Instagram feed with pictures of the build-up and the actual wedding. I sometimes wonder if people would spend the ludicrous amounts of money they spend on weddings if Instagram and Facebook did not exist. If all you had were you own beautiful memories and photographs of the day then would people spend such hideous amounts on one day in their life.

Marriage is so much more than a fancy white dress and beautiful decor. The beauty of the day will fade very quickly from memory and people won’t even remember the day. So why spend a small fortune?

I want to get married, when the time is right and when we want to get married. Not when people put pressure on me to get married because they are doing it and its the done thing to do.

“We teach girls to shrink themselves, to make themselves smaller. We say to girls, you can have ambition, but not too much. You should aim to be successful, but not too successful. Otherwise, you would threaten the man. Because I am female, I am expected to aspire to marriage. I am expected to make my life choices always keeping in mind that marriage is the most important. Now marriage can be a source of joy and love and mutual support but why do we teach girls to aspire to marriage and we don’t teach boys the same? We raise girls to see each other as competitors not for jobs or accomplishments, which I think can be a good thing, but for the attention of men. We teach girls that they cannot be sexual beings in the way that boys are.”
Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, We Should All Be Feminists

I am a Lawyer, Writer, Reader and Traveller. From Johannesburg, South Africa. I am writing to find my voice. Fortune favours the brave.

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store