Are Couples Who Insult Each Other Happy?

Insulting someone is not a sign of love and happiness

Photo by Hannah Cook on Unsplash

My friends have asked me a lot during this Lockdown whether my partner and are ok. Are we not getting annoyed with each other yet? Are we not ready to bite off each other’s heads?

They assume that spending a lot of time with one person will inevitably lead to conflict and irritation.

But not for me.

My answer is always no. My partner did not annoy me before the Lockdown and the same goes for during the Lockdown. Some days Lockdown hasn’t been that bad at all. I am stuck at home with my favourite person, what else is there?

If your partner is annoying you after being in Lockdown with them, should you be with them?

If your partner annoys you full stop, should you be with them?

Some couples who regularly get annoyed with their partners are clearly not happy. Couples who regularly insult each other are not happy.

Couples who roll their eyes at each other; snap at each other; call each other names or mercilessly tease each other in an attempt to get a reaction from their partner are not happy.

The worst is when a couple occasionally insults each other: idiot, stupid, or other such silly names that are intended to harm him/her. Why would you want to be with someone who insults you? Who calls you names and who clearly wants to you make you feel bad about yourself?

I have never called my partner a demeaning or derogatory name even in jest. And I will never will. And the simple reason: I love him and I respect him. He makes me happy. I could never tease him while intending to hurt him. And he, in turn, has never insulted me. He has never demeaned me or made me feel emotionally unsafe.

Some people treat their partners like punching bags: insulting them at random, constantly annoyed or irritated with them.

If your partner is so irritating: why are you with them? If the sight of them first in the morning pisses you off, should you be together? If you roll your eyes at them sometimes and curl your upper lip in contempt should you be with them?

Yes, it possible to love someone that annoys. It is possible to hurt someone you love.

But surely if your partner pisses you off most of the time it is a sign of deeper unhappiness whether with the relationship or with yourself?

Love Does Not Conquer All

Love is word people throw around these days and it has little meaning.

What does love mean? Does love mean insulting your partner, or calling them names? Does love mean accepting that treatment? I would not want a love like that.

When I once asked a friend why she did not break up with a guy that she constantly complained about and who also treated her terribly, her response:

“It’s not that simple, I love him.”

But it is that simple. Love does not conquer all manner of evils and bad treatment. Love is just a word and to love someone is a verb. Love is a choice. I don’t believe that you can love someone who treats you badly. It goes against the very nature of love. If a person loves you then they should treat you with respect and you, in turn, should treat them with respect. Otherwise, are you really loving them, and are they really loving you?

Contempt Is The Biggest Sign of Trouble

Insulting your partner or calling them names is a sign of contempt. Contempt is a sign of hate and not love. Contempt is hate. It means you think the person you have contempt for is beneath you, so you have little regard for their feelings. You intentionally insult them and bring them down because you don’t care about them.

Contempt can come and go. But if there is even a hint of contempt in a relationship, it is doomed.

How can you be happy if the person you supposedly love, you feel contempt for?

The signs of contempt are insulting, eye-rolling, and vicious teasing. Calling your partner ‘special’, stupid, or an idiot. These are not loving words. They do not inspire love and happiness. They inspire annoyance and insults.

Whenever I hear a couple insult each other, even if it appears they are joking, I wince. Because I don’t think they are truly happy. I don’t think you can be happy with the person you are insulting.

I could not bear it if the person I held most dear, was the person who dragged me down. If the person I loved also intended to make me suffer. Because when you insult someone, especially in front of other people, your intention is to make them suffer.

Why would you want your partner to suffer? Why would you want the person you love to suffer?

Are you happy with your partner if you insult them?

No, I don’t think you are.

Written by

I am a Lawyer, Writer, Reader and Traveller. From Johannesburg, South Africa. I am writing to find my voice. Fortune favours the brave.

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