One Of The Most Important Decisions You Will Make In Your Life
No, it's not a career. And it's not what you choose to study or where you decide to work. It's not even where you decide to live. It’s not your friends. It’s not what you decide to do with your life, or whether you decide to have children.
The most important decision you will make in your life, the one decision that will significantly affect the happiness of your life for the rest of your life, a decision that many people take too lightly and in haste and often end up with regret, is:
the person you decide to spend your life with.
The person you choose may leave you deeply unhappy or happy. They may be the best thing in your life or the worst.
Your partner can put you through hell. They can be abusive. They can be addicts or alcoholics that drain the life from you. They can be manipulative, cold, unloving making you jump through hoops to receive affection.
Or they can be mean. Or selfish putting their needs consistently above yours. Or full of drama, always causing problems with your friends and family. Or deeply insecure always needing constant attention from you in order to feel better. Or they could be a difficult person that makes your life hard all the time. Or they could be a narcissist. And your relationship could end up in divorce, heartache, and pain. Or you could spend your life unhappy because you believe that you deserve the treatment you receive or that there is no one better.
Well, there is someone out there better. There will always be someone out there who will treat you right, who will make you dance in the rain and make you feel safe and happy. Someone who will be a joy to come home to and will work through issues with you. Who will make you laugh and appreciate you. Who you will love coming home to. Who will try and make your life easier and not harder. Who will provide love and not put any conditions on that love.
The decision is the difference between a happy life and an unhappy one.
A life of laughter or a life of pain. There is little more important than the person you decide to spend your life with. They can bring you love and they can make life so much more than just bearable.
I love coming home to my partner. He does not cause me pain. He brings me immense joy and happiness. Because he is a wonderful person. He is kind, smart, generous, and attentive.
Set the bar high when choosing the person you will spend your life with. Set it as high as possible and don’t accept anything less. And don’t set the bar high on superficial things: looks, money, career — all those things will fade. But a good heart will not. Set the bar high on: caring, love, generosity, attentiveness, kindness, and selflessness.
Don't settle for the bare minimum.
Don’t settle for someone just to watch TV with, don’t settle for someone just to have fun with.
Look for someone that listens to you, makes you feel heard, loved, and appreciated, and someone who would never ever want to hurt you, manipulate you, or torture you.
I once briefly dated a guy who teased me, in a way that was meant to bring me down. Who commented on other girls when we went out. Who changed in front of his friends. He ended it. Thank the Lord. Why I didn’t I often wonder. I was willing to put up with those things because although the bad was shit, the good was not so shit. So I brushed the bad aside and told myself that it was nothing. I refused to acknowledge it. Only after did I really think about and realize I dodged a bullet. I dodged an unhappy life. Because he would not have made me happy, those red flags were major warning signs.
Wait for him/her.
Wait for when there are no red flags, no warning signs. That person exists, I promise. You just have to brave enough to be willing to look for that person.
I almost wasn’t brave enough. I almost settled. And I am so grateful that I didn’t.
I often want to scream at people: Don't choose this person!! Don’t settle! Wait for the person who will make you truly happy.
I know its hard. I know because I was single once and it was lonely as all hell. I accepted treatment from people that I thought took the loneliness away. I thought to be with anyone was ten times better than being alone. But I was wrong. Being with someone who is selfish is far worse than being alone. Being with someone who is cold and distant is far worse than being alone. Loneliness is not the worst thing. But being in an unloving relationship is.
I sometimes look at people who are in unhappy relationships and wonder why they stay with the person who weighs them down. I know it is not easy. there is a multitude of reasons why someone will stay and accept conditional love. Being alone is scary and finding someone to spend your life with is not easy. It can take years to find someone who will give you the things you most need and desire. It took me years but it did not take forever thank goodness. And I believe that if you are looking for the right things you will find the right person. If you believe there are no good people out there, you will not find any good people. If you believe there are good people, you will find a good person.
I sometimes think about how lucky I am. I met my partner at 25. Now at 28, I have had the best three years of my life full of love and happiness. I finally found the person who made all the lonely years worth it.
Because it is worth it. It is not worth it to settle. It will never be.