I found love on Tinder

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Photo by Tyler Nix on Unsplash

“How did you two meet?”, a common question faced by many couples. My response, “on Tinder.” Que the bulging eyes, high voice, the disbelief “Good for you, so it is possible to meet someone on Tinder?”

It is possible, if you are willing to go on a lot of dates. If you are willing to move past the misconceptions and if you are willing to be brave.

Internet dating apps, like Tinder and Bumble have a bad rep. Tinder has a reputation for just being a hook up site. You will find hook ups on Tinder if that is what you are looking for. But you can you can also find friendship and love.

I wasn’t looking for a hook up when I met my significant other on Tinder. I went on a lot of Tinder dates and had many flings that fizzled out after a couple of dates or months. My boyfriend on the other hand only went on three Tinder dates, I was his third, luckily for him.

The guys I met on Tinder weren’t bad guys, or “just looking for sex” as is the common misconception. They just weren’t right for me. After every failed relationship I would delete Tinder and vow to never go on it again. I would be back after a couple of days or weeks. You can’t blame Tinder for every failed relationship. Tinder is just a platform. If you met someone at a bar and after 3 months broke it off, would you vow never to go to that bar again? Perhaps some people would, but most wouldn’t. Tinder doesn’t cause causal hook ups or failed relationships, the people using Tinder do. And those things would happen whether Tinder existed or not.

Tinder is like a big bar, full of people you may never meet in real life. The opportunities are endless.

You will find what you are looking for on Tinder, and I found love.

Tinder or internet dating sites are tainted by stigma because I think people associate them with desperation. Below are negative comments I have heard about Tinder or internet dating:

“I want a cute story; I want to meet someone in a coffee or book shop like the movies” (Why isn’t Tinder cute?)

“You not going to want to tell your kids you met on Tinder.” (Why not?)

“People on Tinder are just looking for sex.” (So what?)

My parents met at church, and there is nothing cute about that. You might not have kids if you don’t put yourself out there and why would your kids even care how you met. Our kids will probably meet their future husbands or wives on Tinder or similar apps.

No everyone on Tinder is just looking for a causal hook up. Your perfect man/woman is not going to suddenly appear in your life at a cute café or park. You actually have to look for him/her.

I don’t think using Tinder is desperate. I think its brave. Its brave to put yourself out there. Going on a date with stranger you have only conversed with online is scary. What if it is a complete flop, they are completely boring and you have nothing to talk about? Chances are you won’t, because if you can have an online conversation with a stranger and you get as far as actually meeting up, then you will have something to talk about. Its’ easy to stay at home, or get drunk at a bar and hook up with a stranger. But going on a sober date with someone and having a conversation can be scary. It’s not desperate, it’s brave.

I am lucky that none of the dates I went on were completely awful. They were all pleasant and I ended up having fun even though they didn’t turn into a long term relationship.

Dating is fun. You get dressed up and are on your best behaviour. You chat and laugh and once the initial meeting is over you relax into a more comfortable position. If you never meet again, you haven’t lost out on anything. The worst outcome; you go out with a stranger, have a conversation, a meal and drink and then go your separate ways.

It’s worth it. All those failed relationships, all the heart break. It was worth it for me because I met my wonderful, amazing, loving partner. I never would have met him if it hadn’t been for Tinder and I am so grateful. I was brave and so was he and I can’t believe how lucky I am.

It is possible to find love on Tinder if you are willing to look beyond the misconceptions and put time and effort into meeting lots of people. It’s not easy, going on an internet date, the first one is scary but after that it gets easier. By the time I met my boyfriend, I had gone on so many I wasn’t nervous anymore and I also didn’t have any expectations. It has turned out to the best thing that ever happened to me. We moved into together after three months and have been together for just under two years. We have a beautiful life together.

I don’t think Tinder is the only way to meet someone but I know it is possible. It’s also great practice. Go on, be brave.

I am a Lawyer, Writer, Reader and Traveller. From Johannesburg, South Africa. I am writing to find my voice. Fortune favours the brave.

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